1.19.07, Saturday, 10:51a

You know, I am completely bored with my own work. Creativity is not an endless supply and having forced myself to do work beyond capacity, I’m tapped out. All the incomplete work on paper and on the computer remains incomplete. It’s not as though digital and traditional art is all I do; I also make jewelry, I used to write poetry, throw myself into different crafty things… but now there is nothing. Perhaps my gallery says otherwise, I have made recent submissions but my photos are nature and pictures created with various filters feel like cheating. I used to wonder dumbfounded how my mother, my uncles and aunt, all artists of a type, could simply stop drawing, stop feeling the desire to draw, the restless urge to create, create and create more… Now I fear I understand. Is it possible to use up all of your talent? I wrote poetry because I was depressed, now I am no longer depressed so I do not write. Is the ability dead or dormant? I force myself to create because to not to is to give in to the fear. And deep down that fear whispers that if I stop, then I have to admit maybe I never had the ability in the first place.